


Sick of Losing Soulmates

by MaeTaurus



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 21:19:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17108321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeTaurus/pseuds/MaeTaurus
Summary: Dan broke up with Phil after convincing himself he couldn't be gay. If that's true, why does Dan feel jealous whenever Phil dates someone else? What happens after a drunken hookup makes Dan realize he is gay? What does this mean for Dan and Phil's relationship now?Prompt: An angsty fic post beak up where one of them has had 1 or 2 other partners after like a year or something and the other is still in love and heartbroken





	1. 2010

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dnp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dnp/gifts).



> I really enjoyed getting to write something different than I usually would for this Fic Exchange. Shout out to [Ryn](https://anotwhitexmas.tumblr.com/) for sending in such a good prompt!
> 
> Fun fact, Ryn is my usual beta and I didn't find out I was writing for them until I sent them the fic to beta. So instead I got the wonderful [yourfriendlyblogstalker](http://yourfriendlyblogstalker.tumblr.com/) to beta for me and help me make this fic even better!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after Dan broke up with Phil, Phil gets a girlfriend. But Dan doesn't care, right? He doesn't still have feelings for Phil, right? No, he can't. Dan's not gay...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed getting to write something different than I usually would for this Fic Exchange. Shout out to dnp for sending in such a good prompt!
> 
> Also shout out to my beta who helped me make this fic even better!

Dan’s heart dropped into his stomach as he listened to Phil tell him about his date with his girlfriend, Emily, he went on the previous night. He had every right to someone, it’s not like they were dating or anything. And Dan certainly didn’t still have feelings for Phil. No, he’d decided things wouldn’t work out with Phil so there was no point continuing their relationship. Dan was glad they’d broke things off before it got too serious; otherwise his heart would be broken right now. Which it most definitely was not.

 

“Dan? Dan!”

 

“Huh? Oh, sorry,” Dan said as Phil’s voice broke through his thoughts. “I got distracted. What’d you say?”

 

“I asked if you’re still coming over tonight to watch the finale of Bake Off,” Phil repeated.

 

“Oh right, uh yeah I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

 

Dan could hear the grin in Phil’s voice as he spoke. “Great! I’ll order pizza. See you then!”

 

“Yeah, see you,” Dan mumbled. He hung up and sighed. He couldn’t believe Phil was already seeing someone else; they’d only been officially broken up for a few months. He left his phone on his desk and got up, walking across his tiny room and throwing himself down onto his tinier bed. 

 

Dan had only been at uni for just over a month and he already hated it. He may have chosen University of Manchester because it was where Phil, his boyfriend at the time, lived; and he may have found out it was too late to change his mind by the time they broke up. Dan didn’t regret picking this school though, the people were nice, the course was good, and it was nice having his best friend just a few minutes away. 

 

Despite being exes, Dan and Phil were still really good friends. They talked every single day and saw each other multiple times a week. Dan had even gotten into the habit of spending weekends at Phil’s flat, since his university halls were deafeningly loud whenever there weren’t classes the next morning. Being at Phil’s also meant Dan got away from his freezing room, and got to do laundry for free.

 

A few hours later, Dan knocked on Phil’s door. He heard Phil’s voice shout at him from inside the flat but couldn’t quite make out what he said.

 

“Perfect timing,” Phil said with a grin as he opened the door and saw Dan. “Bake Off is about to start and the pizza guy just left.”

 

Dan nodded as he stepped inside and took his shoes off. “Yeah, I saw him on my way up,” he said. He shut the door behind him then followed Phil to the lounge where he already had everything set up; TV on, pizza and drinks on the coffee table, and a large cozy blanket for them to share. Dan took his usual seat on the sofa next to Phil and took a sip of his Ribena. 

 

“How were your classes today?” Phil asked, reaching for a slice of pizza.

 

Dan shrugged. “Alright, I guess.”

 

Phil laughed and nudged Dan’s shoulder. “Oh come on, tell me more than that! Are any of your classmates cute?”

 

Dan couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I guess,” he said, shrugging.

 

“Anyone you fancy?” Phil asked, taking a bite of his pizza.

 

“Not really. Everyone is just focused on partying all the time.” Dan grabbed a slice and started eating as well.

 

“What’s wrong with that?”

 

He shrugged. “Nothing, it’s just not really me. I’d rather sit in my room alone and play video games.”

 

Phil nudged Dan gently. “Oh come on, uni is meant to be the time where you go crazy and try new, stupid things.”

 

“Maybe for you it was, but I’m not really into the idea of getting shitfaced and having a sloppy one night stand,” Dan said, wrinkling his nose at the thought.

 

Phil was about to argue but Bake Off was starting so he kept quiet.

 

By the time the show ended, the pizza box was empty and Dan’s legs were stretched out in Phil’s lap. 

 

“You need a bigger sofa,” Dan said, poking Phil with his toe.

 

“I need a bigger flat,” Phil corrected. “Or I could move in with Emily.”

 

Dan’s heart dropped to his stomach for the second time that day. “Move in with her? Are you serious? Phil, you’ve been dating her for like a week!”

 

Phil frowned, confused by Dan’s overreaction. “We’ve been dating for a month now; today was our one month anniversary. But I was only joking, we haven’t even talked about moving in together.”

 

“Right, a month,” he mumbled. Dan couldn’t believe it had already been an entire month since Phil started dating someone else.

 

“Do you hate Emily?” Phil asked.

 

Dan looked up at Phil and frowned. “I- what? No, no of course not, she’s really nice.” He’d met Emily a few times before and she did seem very sweet. She was Phil’s type too; nerdy, funny, and attractive.

 

“So why do you get like this whenever I bring her up?”

 

He chewed on his bottom lip, not entirely sure how to answer. 

 

“Dan,” he said softly, getting his attention. 

 

Dan glanced up. “I just care about you,” he said. “I- I mean, you’re my best friend,” Dan clarified. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.” Dan looked back down at his lap and tried not to think about the last time Phil had been hurt by a breakup. 

 

_ “I think we should breakup.” Dan looked away from his computer screen, not wanting to see Phil’s face. _

 

_ “What?! Dan, why?” Phil asked, panic rising in his chest and making a lump form in his throat. _

 

_ Dan glanced at Phil’s pixelated face. “I just- I don’t think it’s working out,” he said. “It’s just a bad time. I’m not ready for a serious relationship right now. I just think it’s better that we end things now before it gets too serious.” _

 

_ Phil shook his head, his bottom lip quivering. “I’m sorry. We can, I dunno, we can go slower. We can’t just give up.” _

 

_ “Phil I-” _

 

_ “No,” he interrupted. “It’s been almost a year Dan, a whole fucking year. And you decide now that you aren’t ready for a serious relationship?” _

 

_ Dan flinched. Phil never swore, not unless he was in a lot of pain. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. _

 

_ “I love you Dan, I love you. Please don’t give up. Just- we can talk things through and figure something out. Just please,” Phil pleaded, voice cracking towards the end. _

 

_ “I can’t Phil, I can’t. This- it’s… wrong,” he whispered the last word.  _

 

_ It was Phil’s turn to flinch. “Wrong? Dan, is that what this is about? I thought you’d gotten over this. I thought you were okay with liking guys.” _

 

_ He sighed. “Yeah well, maybe I’m not,” Dan mumbled. “I don’t know what I am, Phil. Maybe I am straight, I dunno. I just need to figure things out. And I can’t… I can’t do that with you.” Dan looked at his computer and could see tears streaming down Phil’s cheeks. _

 

_ Phil sniffled and wiped his tears when he noticed Dan looking at him. “But- but you love me.” _

 

_ Dan didn’t respond. _

 

_ “Right?” Phil asked, voice higher in pitch now as he fought back more tears. “You- you do love me, don’t you?” _

 

_ Dan turned his head away and stared at his wall. _

 

_ “Did you… did you ever love me?” Phil whispered.  _

 

_ Still nothing. _

 

_ “Dan, please,” Phil begged. He was crying so hard he struggled getting the words out. _

 

_ “I… I don’t know,” Dan murmured. He tried not to look at Phil but curiosity got the better of him and he glanced at his screen. Dan swore he felt his heart split into two pieces inside him. He could see the hurt, the pain, the utter devastation on Phil’s face. “I don’t know.” _

 

_ Phil had given up trying to hide his tears from Dan now. “How could you not know?” _

 

_ He shrugged. “I enjoyed our time together. I liked being with you. I liked hanging out with you and cuddling with you and kissing you and… and I liked the other stuff we did too. I liked it and I don’t regret it. I just… I’m not sure if I want to do it forever.” _

 

_ “Okay,” Phil muttered. “I- I need to go.” _

 

_ “Wait!”  _

 

_ Phil paused, his mouse hovering over the end button. “What?” _

 

_ “Are we… are we still friends?” Dan asked. _

 

“Dan!”

 

Dan was torn from his thoughts as Phil shook his shoulder. “Huh?”

 

“What’s up with you today?” Phil asked. “You keep spacing out.”

 

He shrugged. “Just tired, I guess,” Dan said. “I should get going.”

 

Phil frowned a little. “Already?”

 

“Yeah, I have to get up early tomorrow and I’m really tired,” he said. “But I’ll see you this weekend.” Dan stood up and grabbed his jacket from where he’d hung it over one of the dining room chairs. 

 

“Oh.”

 

Dan quirked an eyebrow at Phil and turned back to him. “Oh? What oh?”

 

“Um well I have plans with Emily on Saturday. We’re spending the day together to celebrate our anniversary. And she’s probably gonna spend the night.” Phil blushed and looked away awkwardly.

 

“Oh,” Dan muttered. “I guess I’ll just see you next week then.”

 

Phil nodded. “Yeah, for sure,” he said with a smile. “Maybe even Sunday.”

 

Dan forced a smile. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, putting his jacket on and headed to the door.

 

Phil got up and walked Dan to the door. “Bye,” he said once Dan had his shoes on. 

 

“Bye. Tell Emily I said hello,” Dan said before opening the door. 

 

Phil grinned. “I will!” He waved to Dan as he headed to the lift, closing the door after him.


	2. 2011

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a drunken hookup with a girl, Dan has a realization; he's gay. And in love with Phil Lester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed getting to write something different than I usually would for this Fic Exchange. Shout out to dnp for sending in such a good prompt!
> 
> Also shout out to my beta who helped me make this fic even better!

It was late, Dan didn’t know how late, but he knew that it was completely dark out and nobody was on the street as he stumbled inside. Thankfully he knew his way around the building well enough that he was able to find the right door, even in his drunken state. 

 

Dan started knocking on the door but nobody answered. He started knocking louder and suddenly the wall he was leaning against moved.

 

“Shit Dan, what happened to you?”

 

Dan looked around and realized he’d been leaning against the door and had fallen into Phil as it opened. “Oops,” he giggled. He stumbled as he regained his footing and pushed his way past Phil. “What took you so long?” Dan asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Phil asked with a frown, shutting the door behind Dan.

 

“I was out there for ages knocking,” he said.

 

Phil raised an eyebrow at Dan. “It was like two minutes. I know because I was in the shower and had to hurry to get the shampoo out of my hair so I could answer the door.”

 

“Oh,” Dan said simply. He looked Phil up and down, only now realizing that Phil was shirtless with dripping wet hair. 

 

“What happened to you?” Phil asked, repeating his unanswered question.

 

Dan tilted his head to the side in confusion, like a sad puppy.

 

Phil rolled his eyes at Dan. “You’re drunk. Really drunk by the looks of it.”

 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Was at a party,” Dan slurred as he stumbled into the lounge.

 

“A party? Don’t you hate parties?” Phil asked, walking after Dan.

 

Dan shrugged. “Yeah but I figured might as well go to one college party before I drop out.” He collapsed on the sofa, laying down on his stomach. 

 

Phil sat on the floor in front of the sofa, looking at Dan. “Why are you crying?”

 

Dan hadn’t realized he’d started crying again until Phil pointed it out. He sniffled and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his shirt. “I had sex.”

 

Phil smirked slightly. “Yeah I can tell.”

 

“What, how?” Dan asked, shocked.

 

Phil just laughed and rolled his eyes. “Well the bruises and lipstick on your neck sort of gave it away.”

 

Dan reached up to touch his neck. He’d thought it felt tender but his brain couldn’t register the pain.

 

“So what’s wrong with that? You had a drunken hookup, no big deal,” Phil said with a shrug.

 

Dan shook his head and pulled himself into a seated position. “It was wrong, it was all wrong. She… she was wrong.” He looked down at Phil but had to look away when Phil stood up, the action making the room spin.

 

Phil went to the kitchen and returned a minute later with a glass of water and painkillers. “Here, take this,” he said, putting the pills into Dan’s hand carefully. “Now tell me what happened.”

 

He looked over at Phil and frowned. “It was awful.”

 

“Yeah, drunken hookups usually are,” Phil chuckled as he sat down next to Dan. “Why was it awful?”

 

“She didn’t have a dick,” Dan said bluntly.

 

Phil burst out laughing, doubling over with laughter.

 

“I’m serious,” Dan said with a pout. “I had to do everything.”

 

“Are you just now realizing you’re the world’s laziest bottom?” Phil chuckled.

 

Dan started tearing up again. “‘S not funny,” he complained. “Don’t wanna be.”

 

“Don’t wanna be what? A bottom?”

 

He shook his head. “Gay.”

 

Phil’s smile fell from his face, now realizing what this was all about. “Oh. Um I mean… so you think you’re gay?”

 

Dan nodded. “I know I am.”

 

“Are you sure? I mean, maybe it was just this one girl you don’t like sleeping with,” Phil suggested.

 

Dan shook his head again and tears fell down his cheeks. “‘S not the first time. I’ve been with other girls and I hate it. It feels weird and uncomfortable and I can barely get it up. I just- I-”

 

“Hey, shh,” Phil said softly. He reached out and put his hand on Dan’s arm. “It’s okay, it’s okay if you’re gay. There’s nothing wrong with that, Dan.”

 

“I thought… if I tried hard enough, I could change my mind,” he muttered.

 

Phil sighed. “That’s not how it works,” he said simply. “Some people are straight, some people are gay, and others are in between. You don’t get to pick what you are, no matter how hard you try.” 

 

Something about Phil’s comment really got to Dan and he broke down into sobs. He buried his face in his hands and felt his body shake as he cried loudly. 

 

Dan didn’t remember moving but he’d somehow ended up in Phil’s lap. He didn’t know if he’d crawled there or if Phil pulled him there. He decided it didn’t matter either way, his head hurting far too much to allow him to focus enough to remember.

 

“Feeling better?” Phil whispered.

 

He wiped his cheeks clean of tears and looked up at Phil. Dan felt the air leave his lungs as he stared at him. Phil was gorgeous, breathtakingly gorgeous. How had he not seen it before? Dan reached up with his hand and gently touched Phil’s cheek.

 

“Dan,” he said softly, pulling his head away. 

 

Dan’s hand followed Phil’s head. He trailed his fingertips gently across Phil’s cheek. Maybe, just maybe, Dan would be okay. He could get used to the idea of being gay if it meant being with Phil. Things felt good with Phil, Dan felt okay around him. Dan smiled at Phil and leaned in, pressing his lips against Phil’s. 

 

Phil pulled away. “Dan, stop,” he said, voice flat and cold.

 

Dan didn’t hear him. He leaned in and kissed Phil again, this time feeling more sure of himself. Yeah, everything would be okay. Being gay wasn’t that bad afterall. In fact, Dan rather enjoyed kissing Phil; it definitely felt better than kissing the girl he’d slept with that night.

 

“Dan!” Phil all but shouted, pushing Dan off his lap and onto the cushion next to him. “Stop, I- I can’t.” He stood up and ran his fingers through his wet hair.

 

“What? Why?” Dan asked, frowning up at him. “Are you straight now?”

 

Phil sighed and shook his head. “No, I’m not straight. But I’m not single either.”

 

Dan blinked at Phil, his words not registering in Dan’s alcohol ridden brain.

 

“I’m seeing someone Dan, I have a boyfriend,” Phil said. 

 

“When?”

 

Phil bit his lip and looked down at his feet. “A few weeks. I- I wasn’t sure how to tell you,” Phil murmured. 

 

Suddenly it felt like Dan was looking at Phil through a sheet of water. The room around them was blurry and wet looking. Dan felt a water droplet land on his chest and he looked down, now realizing the water was his tears. 

 

“Dan I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I should’ve told you.”

 

Dan wiped the tears away quickly and stood up. “No, it’s fine,” he said. “I- I should go.”

 

Phil frowned. “Dan wait, you can’t just go out like this. You’re drunk.”

 

He brushed Phil off and headed to the door. “I’m fine now. Just- just need some fresh air and some sleep.”

 

“Will you text me when you get to your room?”

 

“Yeah,” Dan mumbled. He opened the door and hurried to the lift, needing to get away from Phil before he broke down any more. 

 

Finally the lift doors opened to the main floor and Dan all but ran outside. The cool air flooded Dan’s lungs and he finally felt like he could breathe again. He leaned back against the brick of the building and let the night air sober him.

 

Dan wasn’t sure how long he stood there, maybe a minute, maybe twenty, but eventually he gathered the strength to pull away from the wall and stand on his own. The world had finally stopped spinning and Dan’s headache was starting to fade.

 

He walked back to his uni halls. It was a twenty minute walk but with every step Dan sobered up more. But as his head grew lighter, no longer weighed down with all the alcohol, his heart grew heavier.

 

He had no clue how long it had been since he left Phil’s, or even since he left the party, but Dan eventually made it to his own room. Just as he was walking inside, his pocket vibrated. Dan felt around for a minute before finding his phone.

 

_ Phil: you get home okay? _

 

Dan’s blood boiled and hot tears streamed down his face. He groaned in frustration and threw his phone against the painted brick wall inside his bedroom. Dan heard a loud crack as his phone collided with the wall. He picked it up and as he suspected, the screen was shattered. Just like his heart. Dan sunk down to the floor and shakily pulled his knees to his chest, loud sobs wracking his body.


	3. 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil breaks up with his boyfriend after finding out he cheated. Dan gets upset when Phil brings a girl home for rebound sex. What happens when Dan confesses his true feelings to Phil?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed getting to write something different than I usually would for this Fic Exchange. Shout out to dnp for sending in such a good prompt!
> 
> Also shout out to my beta who helped me make this fic even better!

“Phil? What’s wrong?” Dan asked, looking up from his laptop. Phil wasn’t crying but he was still visibly upset. “Did something happen?”

 

Phil walked over to the sofa and lay down on his stomach, his head half in Dan’s lap. “I broke up with Mike,” he mumbled.

 

Dan looked down at his friend and frowned. Since moving in with Phil a year ago, Dan hadn’t seen him this upset. “What? Why?” he asked. “You’ve been dating for like six months, I thought things were going well.”

 

Phil shrugged and pressed his face against Dan’s leg. “Things were great until he hooked up with someone else last night.”

 

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Dan said. He put his laptop to the side and hesitated before he ran his fingers through Phil’s hair to comfort him like he used to years ago when they were still together. “He’s a dick for cheating on you. You deserve way better.” Dan sighed sadly.  _ ‘Like me,’ _ he added silently to himself. 

 

This had been Phil’s third serious relationship since the two of them broke up, and Dan knew there had been many other dates and hookups in between. It killed Dan to see Phil with another guy, but Dan wanted Phil to be happy and he’d convinced himself that he was incapable of being the person to do that.

 

“Why do I keep falling for people who leave me?” Phil complained. “Is there something wrong with me?”

 

“No. No Phil, there’s nothing wrong with you,” Dan answered immediately. “You’re nice and smart and so creative. You’re awkward and goofy in the best ways possible. You have such a kind and gentle heart. You’re an amazing guy Phil, pun intended.”

 

Phil laughed softly at Dan’s pun. “If that’s true, why does everyone leave me?”

 

“Because they’re jerks,” he told Phil.

 

“Why did you leave me?” Phil asked so quietly Dan had to strain to hear him.

 

Dan bit his lip and closed his eyes.

 

Phil looked up at Dan and frowned. “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that, I’m sorry.”

 

Dan looked at Phil. “It’s fine. I was a jerk. I was a confused teenager who had a lot of internalized homophobia. I took it out on you and that wasn’t okay. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry Phil.”

 

Phil sat up to look at Dan properly. “It’s okay, I understand. I was like that when I was first coming to terms with my sexuality. Sometimes I just forget that you’re younger than me.”

 

“Hey, I’m not that much younger,” Dan pouted, pretending to be offended. 

 

Phil laughed and shoved Dan playfully. “No but when we met you still thought you were straight.”

 

“Yeah, and now I’m a flaming homo,” he joked. 

 

Phl rolled his eyes at Dan fondly. He looked down and sighed, smile falling from his face.

 

Dan nudged him gently. “Hey,” he said softly to get Phil’s attention. “Mike’s a jerk. He’s a total douchebag for cheating on you. He doesn’t deserve to have someone as incredible as you in his life.”

 

“Thanks,” Phil murmured. He leaned over and hugged Dan. “I’m gonna go to my room, I wanna be alone for a while.”

 

He hugged Phil back and smiled. “Okay. We can order Domino’s later if you want,” Dan suggested. He watched Phil get up and leave the room, then heard Phil’s bedroom door close a minute later. Dan grinned to himself once he was alone. 

 

As sad as he was for Phil and how badly his relationship ended, he couldn’t help but be happy that Phil was once again single. Before, Dan hadn’t been ready for a serious relationship with a boy. Phil was the first guy he’d ever had any feelings for and the idea of settling down with Phil when he still hadn’t come to terms with being gay was terrifying for Dan. He still handled things horribly, Dan knew that now. He shouldn’t have ended things the way he had, so abruptly and without even talking to Phil about how he was feeling. Dan wished more than anything that he could go back and change what happened between the two of them. Of course, Dan couldn’t go back in time, but maybe, just maybe, this was finally his chance to make things right.

 

An hour later, Dan decided to go out to the shops to get some sweets for Phil to help cheer him up. He told Phil he was leaving and would be back soon. When Dan returned after only twenty minutes, Phil wasn’t home. He searched all over the flat but Phil was nowhere to be found. Dan frowned and texted him.

 

_ Dan: where are you? _

 

_ Phil: I went out. Don’t wait up. _

 

Dan stared at his phone, rereading the text multiple times. It wasn’t like Phil to just up and leave like this. Dan was worried for Phil even though rationally he knew that Phil was an adult and could take care of himself, even if he was upset.

 

He pushed all negative thoughts away and decided to order Domino’s without Phil since they didn’t have any food, and Dan was too lazy to fix anything. 

 

He knew Phil had said not to wait up for him, but Dan’s anxiety prevented him from relaxing enough to even feel sleepy. Dan spent the evening in the lounge trying to distract himself by playing video games. Eventually he made his way to his bedroom, though he was on his laptop for the rest of the night.

 

At around one in the morning, Dan heard what sounded like something being knocked over. His senses were on high alert and he listened carefully for any other noises. Dan let out a sigh of relief when he heard giggling, knowing it had to be Phil and not a burglar. 

 

He got out of bed and was about to open his door when he heard a woman’s voice. Dan couldn’t make out what she’d said but it was followed by Phil’s voice and another round of giggles.

 

Dan listened closer and heard two sets of footsteps getting closer and closer. He jumped when Phil’s door slammed shut a minute later. Dan was fairly certain he knew where this was headed and his suspicions were confirmed when he heard Phil’s headboard bang against the wall then heard the woman moaning.

 

Dan pressed his forehead against his door and closed his eyes. He’d really thought things would be different. He was sure that he and Phil would be able to work things out and get back together. Dan had been certain that this would be their second chance; that now, two flats, two cities, and three years later, they would finally be able to try again. Now that Dan was more confident in his sexuality, now that they worked together and had been living together for well over a year, now that things were going better for both of them. But no, of course that wasn’t what Phil wanted. Dan should’ve known better, should’ve never let himself be fooled into thinking he deserved a second chance after hurting Phil the way he did. 

 

“Oh, Phil! Yes!”

 

Dan groaned in annoyance and moved away from the door. He grabbed his headphones and sat at his desk, putting them on and listening to loud music to drown out the noises in the next room. 

 

The next morning when Dan woke up, he stayed in bed and listened for any signs that Phil still had company. He didn't hear anything so decided to risk it and get up. He headed to the kitchen and frowned when he saw Phil standing there making coffee. “Where’s your girlfriend?” Dan asked bitterly.

 

Phil looked over and raised his eyebrows. “What?”

 

Dan sighed. “Nothing, it’s nothing.” He walked past Phil and started making himself breakfast.

 

“No really, what’s up?” Phil asked. “You seem angry, did something happen?”

 

Dan glared at his bowl of cereal but didn’t respond.

 

“Dan?” Phil tried again. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

 

Dan turned around to look at Phil. “I just don’t appreciate you always bringing people back and fucking them two feet from my head,” he spat angrily.

 

Phil blinked a few times, startled and confused by Dan’s outburst. “Um...okay? I didn’t realize it bothered you that much.”

 

“Well it does,” Dan snapped.

 

Phil tilted his head to the side and studied Dan. “Why?”

 

“I- what?”

 

“Why does it bother you so much when I have sex?”

 

Dan sighed and turned away from him. “Let’s not get into this.”

 

“Get into what?” Phil walked across the kitchen and put his hand on Dan’s arm, spinning him back around. “Tell me, please.”

 

Dan stared down at his feet. He knew Phil wouldn’t drop the subject until he got the answer he wanted. “It just,” Dan started but trailed off. He sighed and tried again, “It just hurts.”

 

“What hurts?”

 

“Hearing you with other people,” he muttered. He felt tears start to fall from his eyes and hoped Phil wouldn’t notice. No such luck.

 

Phil ducked his head down to look at Dan. “I don’t understand, why does that upset you?”

 

He closed his eyes and turned his head away.

 

“Dan?”

 

“Because I love you.”

 

Phil stood there in silence for so long that Dan turned to look at him to see if he was still there. 

 

“You do?” Phil asked quietly when their eyes met.

 

Dan nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think I ever stopped. I- I was just so scared and confused and I got overwhelmed thinking about being with you for the rest of my life. Because, I dunno, I didn’t believe in soulmates until I met you but now, now I do. Because you’re mine, you’re my soulmate, Phil,” he whispered. “I think maybe we just met at a bad time; realising I was gay because I’d met the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, well that’s fucking terrifying. I still hated myself for being gay but being with you made me so happy and it was all just so confusing and I was lost and didn’t know what to do and I should’ve just talked to you instead of-”

 

“Dan,” Phil whispered as he put his hand on Dan’s cheek, ending Dan’s rant.

 

He looked at Phil with teary eyes and bit his bottom lip to keep it from quivering. Dan’s heart raced as he waited for Phil to respond, already convinced Phil would tell him he didn’t feel the same way, that he’d never be able to forgive Dan for breaking up with him.

 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> [like/reblog on Tumblr](http://maetaurus.tumblr.com/post/181464233315/sick-of-loosing-soulmates)


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